What Setback?

I braved the Netflix and elliptical yesterday, and it was stressful.  But you know what else it was?  Successful!  I got so distracted watching my show that I went 5 miles.  I told a friend of mine that that's basically a marathon in my world.  I told myself I would not stop until the tragic events unfolded on my TV.  Of course they happened at the end of the episode so I was on there for a while.  But I was shocked when I looked down and saw my distance.  It has been YEARS since I did anything other than drive a car for 5 miles.

So all this talk about setbacks and starting from scratch, maybe it's not exactly starting over.  I could not have done that much when I started, even though that was just a couple of weeks ago.  My legs felt like Jello when I finished, but they still worked.  They still kind of feel like Jello, so today's workout consisted of a mix of yoga, Pilates, and ballet.  I even had a helper.

I guess the lesson for today is not to get discouraged.  I was nervous to get back to exercising because I was afraid that I wouldn't be able to do as much.  Turns out I was able to do even more.  The progress I had made didn't disappear as quickly as I thought it would.  Hopefully I can remember that in the future.

Weigh In Wednesday

I was nervous when I stepped on the scale this morning.  I clearly haven't been doing it right, though I have eaten better.  I keep thinking I'm going to turn on a show and get on the elliptical.  The problem I'm having with that is that I've come to a point in Sons of Anarchy where I don't want to go farther.  I know that in the next episode, my favorite character is going to die.  No spoilers, but if you've seen the show, you probably know where I am.  Do you think I'll burn more calories if I'm exercising and ugly crying at the same time?  I've been putting it off for a week, so today is the day.  I'm sad just thinking about it.

Now back to that scale.  Ya'll, I lost almost a pound.  I cannot believe it.  I know it doesn't sound like much, but when you haven't seen the number go down in a long time, it's pretty exciting.  Physical evidence that I have been doing at least a little something right!  Putting broccoli and kale into smoothies instead of eating a Pop Tart for breakfast has paid off.  Now to keep doing it.  And go exercise.  If anyone hears sobbing, it's just me mourning the loss of a fictional character that I've become entirely too attached to.  But at least I'll be exercising.

Real Talk

So this is hard.  When I decided to share this whole weight loss attempt, it didn't occur to me that I would have to write about not doing well.  But being fully transparent could help hold me accountable, so here it goes.

I had a long, stressful week.  The husband was out of town.  My daughter busted her head open and had to go to the emergency room.  I was out of town for a couple of days.  I went to a funeral.  I'm getting clothes ready for a consignment sale.  There was a lot going on.  These sound like excellent excuses to not work out, right?  Only if you're looking for excuses, which I clearly was.

Another thing.  I picked my "before" picture because it didn't look so bad.  That's kind of cheating I think.  So Saturday morning I took a more accurate picture.  And here it is

Having not put in the effort I needed to, I'm kind of starting from scratch.  But all I can do is try again.  So wish me luck. I'll still weigh in tomorrow with the hopes that all those smoothies with gross stuff like kale made some difference.  I'm not calling it a failure; just a little setback .

Weigh In Wednesday

Ya'll want to hear some discouraging mess?  I've apparently lost 0.2 pounds.  Not discouraging enough to quit, but not ideal either.  I definitely feel better, so that's good news.  I mean, better is maybe not the right word.  Cause that 10 minute tabata situation from yesterday is still burning in my legs.  That's good I think.  I'm going to try it again today, but it is not going to be fun.

So sticking with it is the theme today.  I think this is why we quit.  I can't see a difference, and neither can my scale.  That's super frustrating.  I bought a workout shirt that says, "This wasn't built overnight."  Maybe if I'm wearing it, I'll believe it.  I bought a size large, which kind of cracked me up.  Cause what I have now wasn't built overnight either. The trouble is that fat kind of sneaks up on you.  Nobody wakes up skinny one day.  I guess if it were that easy, everybody would be the size they want.  I'm going to take a hint from my idol, Miss Mindy Kaling:

 

This also means I have my son's Daniel Tiger song stuck in my head. "Keep trying, you'll get better."  This is much more annoying than you might think.  But it's true.  I can't teach my children to practice tying their own shoes or reading and not give up when it gets hard if I don't take my own advice.  So here it goes, kids.  Mama's got some exercising to do.

Trying New Things

I have been so encouraged by the people who have reached out to me as they've read this silly little blog.  People I haven't talked to in ages have sent me messages.  I can't tell you guys how much I appreciate it.  Cause this thing is hard.  I'm getting a better sense of that the more I hear from you guys.  I've learned that we all want to do better, and we all need more support.  I hope this can be an outlet for that.  A couple of people have given me tips and ideas about how to be more successful.  Please know those are always welcome.  If I knew what I was doing, I would be the average sized friend, not the fat friend.  I'm open to trying anything.  Eating what I want and not exercising except for chasing kids is not the best method, I've learned.  So this first effort is a combination of what two people have suggested.

My day started crazy early today.  The husband had to leave for work while it was still dark out today, so of course I woke up.  I'm talking there was a five still on the clock.  I'm a morning person for the most part, but when it's still dark, that is not morning.  And the kids were all still asleep so the motivation was lacking.  After not moving for a few minutes, I realized I would not be going back to sleep.  I managed to talk myself into getting up and going to the elliptical.  The first Jimmy Smits episode of Sons of Anarchy helped get me going.  I'm trying not to let myself watch unless I'm actually doing something at the same time, and I REALLY wanted to watch.  I managed to do three miles before I thought I'd collapse.

Here's where the new methods come in.  One person I spoke to mentioned that it's not as effective to just do cardio.  i need to mix it up a little.  The problem for me is that I feel like I've accomplished something if there's some sort of screen I can look at that tells me how far I've traveled or how many calories I've burned.  I can't let go of that yet, so I decided to just add other things to it.

Another friend suggested Tabata workouts.  These are short intervals of exercise.  It's alternating 20 seconds of exercise and 10 seconds of rest, repeated four times.  Sounds easy, right?  The nice thing is that you can do it anywhere and it doesn't take long.  I did a 10 minute beginner workout to start.  Ya'll, I know it sounds like that's not much, but I am feeling it.  And it was short enough and fun enough that the kids did it with me.  There are different workouts for different levels.  I found lots of them on Pinterest.  

I'm weighing in tomorrow, but I don't think I'll see a big change this week.  Why can't it be like on The Biggest Loser where they lose like half a person during the first week?  I could use a little high five from the scale to keep me going.  But whatever happens, I do feel better, and that's really the point.

Weekend Update

I think it's pretty much impossible for me to stick with the same routine on the weekend that I do on weekdays.  So I didn't really try.  But I did think of a few little disclaimers I need to make when posting.

Sometimes I'm going to tell a story of something that happened or something that was said.  Often these things happen without a person thinking about it.  I understand that.  I may tell it in a blog because it made me think or it was funny.  Please don't take it personally.  If you've said something that actually offended me, you'll know.  There will be no passive aggressive posting.  Just want to make that clear.

Here's an example: this weekend, I went with a friend to a bridal show.  I've never been to one of these things.  Can you believe that?  I've had two weddings and have never met with photographers or caterers.  So I am thoroughly enjoying this part of my friend's wedding planning.  We went to brunch first and were just having a girls' day.  We ran into a friend of hers at lunch so she said hi.  And then he said, "Oh is this your mom?"  Ya'll, I look like a lot of things, but I do not look like anyone's mother of the bride.  Luckily I thought it was funny and an excellent opportunity to pick on the kid, so no big deal.

Then we got to the show.  If you've never been anyone's fat friend, you may not believe this is how it works.  Or you may think I'm overly sensitive.  I don't care.  Get your own blog and tell your own story.  This is mine, and I swear it's true.  My friend decided that we should both sign in as brides so we could both have the experience.  Sounds like fun right?  I thought so.  I made up a wedding date and played along.  We started going around to different booth vendors, and the same thing happened pretty much without fail.  Every person talked to her about her plans and not me.  We're both wearing the same sticker that says bride to be.  I would assume our money spends the same.  But they all talked to her.  Some people referred to me as her family or friend without noticing my bride name tag.  One guy noticed about 10 minutes into the conversation and apologized.  But he was the only one.  It's not just young, pretty people who do this to each other either.  There was a married couple who were clearly in their 60s who officiate services that did the same thing.  I don't think anyone was doing it on purpose.  This is just my reality.

I didn't mention it when we were in the convention center.  I just watched it happen and smiled along.  To the great credit of my friend, when I did mention it after we left, she said she had noticed it too and hoped I hadn't.  Not everyone would have even noticed.  And she said she felt bad, but there was absolutely no reason to.  She was trying to get me involved in the fun.  And just know that this beautiful, skinny friend of mine has never one time made me feel like I'm any different than her.  Good friends don't do that.

I'm not telling this so people will feel bad for me or anything.  It's just that if your looks are average and your weight above average, it can be a different world entirely.  And if you've never lived it, you'd never know it happens.  Of course there is another set of problems for the skinny, pretty world.  I can gain 10 pounds and not really notice.  Smaller girls can tell if they put on 3 or 4.  That would not be a lot of fun.  Where people assume that I am the size I am because I'm lazy/gluttonous/don't care, people assume that skinny girls are anorexic or unhealthy.  Neither of these assumptions is ok.  I guess the real point of this one is just be nice to each other.  Don't make assumptions about anyone.  They're hurtful, even to the girls who look like they have it all.  Or the girls like me that just look like they eat it all.

Saved by Jax Teller

Have I mentioned how much I hate exercising? Cause it's a lot. I was training for a half marathon when I got pregnant with the first child.  Of course the first time in my adult life that I was attempting to get healthier, I got something else.  It's fine because I got that sweet little munchkin out of the deal, and I'd rather go through labor than run that far ever again.  The good news for me is that I do pregnant really well.  I don't gain much weight, and I actually lost a few pounds with the last one.  Ladies, don't be jealous.  My body catches up after the baby arrives.

So exercising is a challenge.  Zumba wasn't so bad.  I do love to dance, though I don't do it very well.  But it also nearly killed me.  So most calories will be burned on the elliptical.  I have discovered the only way to keep me on that cursed machine is to distract myself.  The first part of the season 4 finale of Sons of Anarchy did the trick yesterday.  I would have done three more miles if I could have watched the second part.  But the two year old is trying to give up naptime so my time was limited.  I'll have to find another series when I finish this one.  At least I've found a way to keep my butt moving.  Thanks Charlie Hunnam.

Death By Zumba

Yesterday was a big day.  I took cupcakes to the 4 year old's preschool class to celebrate his "special day."  This officially marks the end of cake season at my house.  Everyone except the baby has a birthday between November 13th and January 2nd.  Notice that there are two major food holidays within that window.  Chubby girl's paradise, right?  Unless the chubby girl would prefer to be a bit less chubby.  I survived cake season without gaining any weight, so I'm calling it a win.  I'm pretty much just trying to tread water for those 7 weeks, so...SUCCESS!

Another major milestone from yesterday: I did an entire Zumba video.  If there are any skinny/relatively in shape people reading this, you probably won't believe me.  But I swear it's true.  I'm pretty sure that's the first time in my life that I've done an entire workout video. I had to stop and answer the phone once, but I paused it and picked up where I left off.  I white girl danced to Latin music for 45 minutes!  I almost quit though.  I was pretty sure I was going to die at one point so I checked the time.  When I saw that I only had 7 minutes left, it kind of pissed me off that I had even thought about stopping.  I did have a cupcake with lunch.  But having a treat after exercising is a lot better than having a treat after not exercising. We'll see how the working out goes today. There are muscles on me that are sore that I never even knew existed.

 I had a workout buddy yesterday.  Her hips move much better than mine

Day Two

There's no way I'm going to be able to post every day.  The image of the stay at home mom who has plenty of free time is crazy.  Or I'm doing it wrong.  Either way, spare time can be hard to come by.  But the kids lost their TV privileges earlier today, so it's a little quieter than usual. I say that as a pink Supergirl hat is being put on my head repeatedly. 

Anyway, I did pretty well yesterday. I made a smoothie for lunch with more vegetables than I usually eat in a week.  I hate vegetables, especially cooked ones.  I blame this on being Southern.  When Southern people cook veggies, we put a piece of pig in it and cook the crap out of it.  You'd think this makes them taste like bacon or something.  Not so.  Mostly it just makes the house smell awful and the once bright green food completely unrecognizable.  I might like slightly sauteed spinach in garlic or something, but when I think of any kind of green, I imagine withered mush.  I'm better with salads and raw veggies, but it's still not my favorite. But if I can put them in a smoothie with fruit, it just tastes like fruit. And fruit is delicious.

I also did 3 miles on the elliptical during naptime.  The 4 year old woke up in the middle of it, but he cheered me on while I kept going.  Motivation is your child telling you that you're doing a good job when you feel like you're about to collapse.  It helps to have a cheerleader.

Today I've done laundry and dishes and vacuumed the downstairs of my house.  That counts as exercise, right? I'll try to do more if I can, but the 2 year old was up in the middle of the night, so if I can nap today I'm going to.  Tired and grouchy is as unattractive as chubby.

Day One

I don't really know how to start these things. I'll probably ramble a lot. But I need to lose weight, and I need kind of accountability. Maybe if I write about it, I'll feel obligated to keep it up.

I should start with a little background. I just turned 36 years old. I've given birth to 3 children in 4 years, and I'm a stay at home mom. I won't tell my weight unless I lose a bunch, but I will say that I am 2 pounds shy of my heaviest ever, including all 3 pregnancies. I've never been skinny, and I don't want to be. I just want to feel a little better. And maybe keep people from asking when I'm due when I have no intention of having any more kids.  By the way, that's always a rude question.  Don't ever ask anyone that.

This little experiment has nothing to do with New Year's resolutions or impressing anyone. The husband is supportive either way, as long as I don't lose too much of my butt.  He has never made me feel uncomfortable or bad about my size.  I do have incredibly, um, honest family members who have mentioned that I need to do something about it. I'm not doing it for them either. I just looked around and realized that I seem to be everyone's fat friend.  And I don't want to be that.  I do have a theory that the fat girl in the crowd is always the funny one.  Hopefully I can keep being hilarious but with less jiggle when I giggle.

So here's the plan. I like food, but I have good self control about it.  I am perfectly capable of eating one bite of chocolate or just a couple of potato chips. So I'll try to be sensible, but I won't specifically diet.  It doesn't work for me. I've basically cut out sodas, but I'm not turning loose of my coffee. I'm trying to drink more water. I'm not bad about snacking, so that shouldn't be a problem. I'm starting this journey armed with an elliptical machine, some Zumba DVDs, and a Jawbone UP. That's it. I did 2 1/2 miles on the elliptical yesterday. If I can get everyone to nap at the same time today, I'll try to do a little more. I expect this will be a slow process. I hate to exercise, and I have to fit it in between raising 3 kids. But I also hate being the fat friend.